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Animal Quotes 6 of 12
"The man who has to muck out the monkeys is rarely if ever consulted when the architects roll up in their limousines to sketch out the new monkey-house."
"My dog ain't worth a plug nickle, but I wouldn't take a million dollars for him"
"All men are not slimy warthogs. Some men are silly giraffes, some woebegone
puppies, some insecure frogs. But if one is not careful, those slimy warthogs can
ruin it for all the others."
"Luck affects everything; let your hook always be cast. In the stream where
expect it, there will be fish."
"We're born princes and the civilizing process turns us into frogs."
"I meant what I said, and I said what I meant.
An elephant's faithful, one hundred percent.
"There is an Indian legend which says when a human dies there is a bridge they must cross to enter into heaven. At the head of that bridge waits every animal that human encountered during their lifetime. The animals, based upon what they know of this person, decide which humans may cross the bridge.... and which are turned away..."
"His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice"
"When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the
sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain
relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten."
"May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts"
"Squirrels run when a Jeep arrives"
"A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn."
"A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block
of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an
"A Horse! A Horse! my kingdom for a horse!"
"It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is
"Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on
"The trouble with a kitten is that
When it grows up, it's always a cat"
"With a rubber duck, one's never alone."
"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."
"The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey."
"I'd love to go out with you, but it's my parakeet's bowling night."
"Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
"Rule of Feline Frustration:
When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom."
"Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room. "
"Never stand between a dog and the hydrant."
"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog."
"I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because the water is cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know
"I never married, because there was no need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog, which growls every morning, a parrot, which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night."
"Theology is never any help; it is searching in a dark cellar at midnight for a black cat that isn't there. Theologians can persuade themselves of anything."
"Lassie looked brilliant, in part because the farm family she
lived with was made up of idiots. Remember? One of them was always
getting pinned under the tractor, and Lassie was always rushing back to
the farmhouse to alert the other ones. She'd whimper and tug at their
sleeves, and they'd always waste precious minutes saying things: "Do
you think something's wrong? Do you think she wants us to follow her?
What is it, girl?", etc., as if this had never happened before, instead
of every week. What with all the time these people spent pinned under
the tractor, I don't see how they managed to grow any crops
whatsoever. They probably got by on federal crop supports, which
Lassie filed the applications for."
"Authors are sometimes like tomcats: They distrust all the other toms but they are kind to kittens."
"The user's going to pick dancing pigs over security every time."
"You will never know if you are quick, until you poke a mountain lion with a stick."
"Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat."
"Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."
"I'm really relieved about the armadillos ..."
"As for butter versus margarine, I trust cows more than chemists"
"It is not unprofessional to give free legal advice, but advertising that the first visit will be free is a bit like a fox telling chickens he will not bite them until they cross the threshold of the hen house"
"A fox is a wolf who sends flowers."
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