"The sloth lives his life upside down. He is perfectly comfortable that way. If the blood rushes to his head, nothing happens because there is nothing to work on."
-- Will cuppy

"God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant, and the cat. He has no real style. He just keeps on trying other things."
-- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973) Spanish painter and sculptor

"And God took a handful of southernly wind, blew His breath over it and created the horse."
-- Bedouin Legend

"Women are like elephants to me; they're nice to look at but I wouldn't want to own one."
-- W. C. Fields, (1880 - 1946) US actor, comedian

"I believe in God, only I spell it Nature."
-- Frank Lloyd Wright

"It is the little bits of things that fret and worry us; we can dodge a elephant, but we can't dodge a fly."
-- Josh Billings, (1818 - 1885) US writer

"It is better to fall among crows than flatterers; for those devour only the dead -- these the living."
-- Antisthenes, (444BC - 371BC) Greek philosopher

"The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup."
-- Bob Hope

"I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?"
-- Victor Borge, US pianist, comedian

"I am the cat that walks alone." -- William Maxwell Beaverbrook

"Aerodynamically the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know it, so it goes on flying anyway."
-- Mary Kay Ash

"Authors like cats because they are such quiet, lovable, wise creatures, and cats like authors for the same reasons."
-- Robertson Davies, (1913 - 1995) Canadian author

"Flatterers look like friends, as wolves like dogs."
-- George Chapman, (1560 - 1634)

"The mice which helplessly find themselves between the cats teeth acquire no merit from their enforced sacrifice."
-- Mahatma Gandhi, (1869 - 1948) Indian philosopher

"Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end."
-- Max Eastman, (1883 - 1969) US author

"I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive."
-- Gilda Radner, (1946 - 1989) US actress

"All is fish that comes to the literary net. Goethe puts his joys and sorrows into poems, I turn my adventures into bread and butter."
-- Louisa May Alcott, (1832 - 1888) US novelist

"Fish and visitors smell in three days."
-- Benjamin Franklin

"The hunter for aphorisms on human nature has to fish in muddy water, and he is even condemned to find much of his own mind."
-- Francis H. Bradley, (1846 - 1924) English philosopher

"Did St Francis preach to the birds? Whatever for? If he really liked birds he would have done better to preach to the cats."
-- Rebecca West (1892 - 1983) Irish author, journalist

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money."
-- Joe Weinstein

"Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement."
-- Snoopy

"Writing a book is like washing an elephant: there's no good place to begin or end, and it's hard to keep track of what you've already covered."
-- Unknown

"When mom found my diaphram, I told her it was a bathing cap for my cat."
-- Liz Winston

"A man walking across a field encountered a tiger.
He fled, the tiger chasing after him.
Coming to a cliff, he caught hold of a wild vine
and swung himself over the edge.
The tiger sniffed at him from above.
Terrified, the man looked down to where, far below,
another tiger had come, waiting to eat him.
Two mice, one white, one black, little by little
began to gnaw away at the vine.
The man saw a luscious strawberry near him.
Grasping the vine with one hand, he plucked
the strawberry with the other.
How sweet it tasted!"
-- ZEN Parable

"When you are getting on in years (but not ill, of course), you get very sleepy at times, and the hours seem to pass like lazy cattle moving across a landscape."
--Goodbye, Mr. Chips, by James Hilton, 1934

"Man wishes woman to be peaceable, but in fact she is essentially warlike, like the cat."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?"
-- Homer from the Simpsons

"Women do not like timid men. Cats do not like prudent rats."
-- John Webb

"It doesn't matter if a cat is black or white, so long as it catches mice."
-- Alec Douglas-Home, Prime Minister of Great Britain

"How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg."
-- Abraham Lincoln

"Elizabeth's back at the red cross, and I'm walking the dog."
-- Bob Dole, on the Today Show, describing life after the elections, 1997

"I catnap now and then, but I think while I nap, so it's not a waste of time."
-- Martha Stewart

"It freshens your breath and helps prevent tartar."
-- Mel Gibson, while eating a dog biscuit at Harvard, 1996

"If you cannot catch a Bird of Paradise, better take a wet hen."
-- Nikita Kruschev

"I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle."
-- Alfred Hitchcock

"Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly."
-- Unknown

"One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives."
-- Mark Twain

"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well."
-- Missy Dizick

"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats."
-- Dave Platt

"One can't complain. I have friends. Somebody spoke to me only yesterday."
-- Eeyore from Winnie-the-Pooh

"Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

"The bluebird carries the sky on his back."
-- Henry David Thoreau

"I only ask to be free. The butterflies are free."
-- Charles Dickens

"And what is the Scientific Community doing about these problems, young people? THEY'RE CLONING SHEEP. Great! Just what we need! Sheep that look MORE ALIKE than they already do! Thanks a lot, Scientific Community!"
-- Dave Barry

"After Wizard of Oz I was typecast as a lion and there just aren't that many roles for lions in Hollywood."
-- Bert Lehr

"I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded, dead."
-- Woody Allen

"One day I was walking through the jungle and I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know."
-- Groucho Marx

"Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant."
-- Unknown

"Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer."
-- Leo Rosten

"I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance -- a sharp, vindictive glance."
-- James Thurber

"Don't bite the hand that lays the golden egg."
-- Unknown

"Horses just naturally have mohawk haircuts."
-- Unknown

"Don't put all your chickens in one basket."
-- Unknown

"Operationally, God is beginning to resemble not a ruler but the last fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat."
-- Sir Julian Huxley

"Barking dogs don't bite people they don't know."
-- Unknown

"One by-product of raising cattle is calves."
-- from Kids Say the Darndest Things

"A traveler must have the back of an ass to bear all, a tongue like the tail of a dog to flatter all, the mouth of a hog to eat what is set before him, the ear of a merchant to hear all and say nothing."
-- Thomas Nashe (1567-1601)

"Like dogs in a wheel, birds in a cage, or squirrels in a chain, ambitious men still climb and climb, with great labor, and incessant anxiety, but never reach the top."
-- Robert Burton (1576-1640)

"How do you know I am mad?" said Alice
"You must be," said the cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."

"How's it going Mr. Peterson?" -- Woody
"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody, and I'm wearing milk bone underwear." -- Norm from Cheers